Great White Dispatch
Notes From Damn Near CanadaEpisode 24
04/02/0918:25
A story in three parts:
Friday, April 3, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The worm has turned
Great White Dispatch
Notes from Damn Near Canada
Episode 23
4/02/09
12:15
Here's what sucks about Minnesota.
You have a beautiful spring day. The sky is a crackling light blue, like that cornflower or cornsilk or cornwhatever crayon that came in the big 64-count box that all the other kids had (the one with the built-in sharpener) that made me INSANELY (sea)green with envy and nearly resulted in a stabby crayon third-grade mass murder. Colorful, delightful, waxy crime of Crayola passion.
Anyway. Sharp blue sky. Birds are flapping around everywhere, just happy to not be covered in frost. Puffy, welcoming clouds. The sun is beating down through your office window, actually making you a little too warm. You take this as a sign, make an excuse to go for a walk outside. You don't need a coat. It's April!
And you open the door to the front of the building and get punched in the teeth by 27 degrees. You need gloves, for chrissakes.
Last week, I officially delared winter DOA. Approxiately 4 seconds after that little bit of genius was posted, the temp dropped 30 degrees and a snowstorm ensued. I poop you not, kind sirs and madams. It was like a warning, a shot across my no longer goose-down encased bow: Don't ever, EVER disregard the Minnesota state motto. Winter. The worst six months of the year.
Lordsy, would I enjoy a good ol' Ohio thunderboomer right about now. And some mittens.
Notes from Damn Near Canada
Episode 23
4/02/09
12:15
Here's what sucks about Minnesota.
You have a beautiful spring day. The sky is a crackling light blue, like that cornflower or cornsilk or cornwhatever crayon that came in the big 64-count box that all the other kids had (the one with the built-in sharpener) that made me INSANELY (sea)green with envy and nearly resulted in a stabby crayon third-grade mass murder. Colorful, delightful, waxy crime of Crayola passion.
Anyway. Sharp blue sky. Birds are flapping around everywhere, just happy to not be covered in frost. Puffy, welcoming clouds. The sun is beating down through your office window, actually making you a little too warm. You take this as a sign, make an excuse to go for a walk outside. You don't need a coat. It's April!
And you open the door to the front of the building and get punched in the teeth by 27 degrees. You need gloves, for chrissakes.
Last week, I officially delared winter DOA. Approxiately 4 seconds after that little bit of genius was posted, the temp dropped 30 degrees and a snowstorm ensued. I poop you not, kind sirs and madams. It was like a warning, a shot across my no longer goose-down encased bow: Don't ever, EVER disregard the Minnesota state motto. Winter. The worst six months of the year.
Lordsy, would I enjoy a good ol' Ohio thunderboomer right about now. And some mittens.
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